I won’t lie… I wouldn’t say I like scary films. Something makes my brain work overtime, and I get carried away and lost in my “what if” fantasies or complete nightmares! I have always loved a good old-fashioned rom-com or sci-fi film. Nothing comes creeping out from behind you in your bathroom, and kids don’t suddenly become possessed and turn demonic as the sun goes down. I grew up in the leafy and child-friendly borough of Hampstead. I attended school with other generally lovely children and their parents, whom I know would never let them watch anything scarier than Count Duckula!!

Jeff is my client for the day and night, requesting the pleasure of his sexy blonde escort to give him some good old girlfriend experience, and has asked me to come over to his house in Belgravia to eat dinner and watch films. Jeff is a 40-something gazillionaire, and he most certainly likes all his mod cons: colossal plasma screen and surround sound. He has told me that he wants to play a real chivalrous man and woman in a relationship where said man and woman watch terrifying films, and the man looks after the woman as she nestles into his shoulder for protection. Bless him for wanting to wave his you-know-what around and hold me in his big, muscly arms, but I am quite frankly terrified. I told him this was a great idea and I would bring extra popcorn in my best enthusiastic tone. Still, inside, I was already screaming into my pillow at the mere thought of the fangs, creaking doors and candles being blown out by some genuinely horrifying unidentified thing.

I never refuse any challenge or date suggested by my clients, as you well know, but I can honestly say I was so close. Closer than the time Bob took me shopping outside of London on a high street with just a QS and a C&A knockoff shop. You can also imagine my disgust when he told me we were going out for dinner in the West End (cue me perking up) to be taken to a fast food job down a side street.

Okay, nothing will be as wrong as that… bring on the screams of terror…yikes!